dark_shadows

just a little bit obsessed

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:47:38 GMT

Just A Little Bit Obsessed

I know the difference between what's real and what's real only to me

I can tell what is and what will never be

But, in short, it just seems to me

Just a little bit obsessed, we're all allowed to be

According to Merriam-Webster, "obsession" is a persistent and disturbing

Preoccupation with an often-unreasonable thought or feeling

And I can't deny I have disturbing things in my head

They were born during the time I was almost dead

Since then they did not go away, but instead

They made a little nest; in my mind is their bed

And so often what we obsess about here

Are things we haven't possess but we yearn for, that's clear

And in my case it's him and him again I desire

I want to put him in eternal fire

I want to drink his blood and carve my name on his flesh

I want to cut him open and eat him fresh

For that way he will never leave me

And I will never set him free

And if he died, he still won't be alone

For I will take the time to pick at least a bone

I think I would want his skull the best

It's something I can talk to when I want to rest

It's something I can bring along and though it seems creepy

It's still a part of him that I'll always carry

Needless to say, I'll cherish it completely

Oh but if I can bind him forever in a dungeon below

Or in the tallest of towers I know

I'd see him bleed for me ever single day

Each drop just for me that no one can steal away

Each whisper, each word, each gasp of breath

To me and only me he will bequeath

I want his corpse as my bed at night

With him beside me, everything will be alright

He promised me he will never leave and that I will make sure

We will be together for all time, past, present and future

But as I have said, I am only just a little obsessed

With these disturbing, quite truthful thoughts, I'm merely possessed

And it's not likely, these I will do�

�unless I completely lose my sanity, then this will come true

I still know the difference between what I want to do and what should be done

And between what I could do and what I will do, there could be but one

So relax, breath a little, permit me this space and time

I just wanted to say I'm obsessed with you in rhyme

Because if I don't, it might just be,

Oh my most important one, you bring out the killer in me

I just want to put my name on him in blood and in song

I JUST WANT TO BITE HIM. Is that so wrong?

a verse too short

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:18:49 GMT

You

(a verse too short)

you may not be perfect

I will never mind

as long as you love me

now and for all time

I don't care where you came from

who or what you are

just as long as you're you

who loves me the best by far

we may have our fights

but I'll love you you just the same

everything won't matter

if you'll just call my name

don't look behind you

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:10:15 GMT

Don't Look Behind You

Afraid to look behind you

frightened you'll see someone or something

you're probably right

but you don't want to end up screaming

so you lie on your bed

you hear the door creak

the sound of the fan echoes

you hear your heartbeat

an occassional stir rans a chill down your spine

a sound from the next room

relax, you're fine

the faucet is on

you hear water drip

the tinkering of the flatware

a cloth being ripped

no, you don't turn back or look behind

you don't want to know

you don't want to be afraid than you are now

not really, never, oh no

I, a mistake

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 00:54:32 GMT

I, a mistake

Why am I still here?

A question only I can answer

Or maybe I can�t

I speak directly,

It�s a mistake

For what I say is unaccepted

And therefore wrong

I speak in riddles,

It�s a mistake

For no one likes the message

Though they may understand

I yell, a mistake

For hush, I am too loud

I talk, a mistake

For they cannot hear

I know for I have tried

Oh have I tried

Now I do not speak at all,

A mistake but I no longer live at all

Why am I still alive?

I can hear no one

For when I stopped speaking

Listening won�t matter

Vice versa

Will You?

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 00:52:21 GMT

Will You?

Will you still love me

If you knew all my faults

All my inconsistencies

All my incapabilities

All I believe in?

Will you still hear me

Even if I do not speak

If I refuse to speak

When I have nothing more to say?

Will you still see me

When I�m invisible

When I�m hiding

When I�m not there

When I no longer exist?

Will you still choose me

Someone who wouldn�t

Even choose herself?

Yes?

For how long then

If to me,

time does not exist?

(for my others blog which may or may not hold the same content, check out http://sengkakusaya.multiply.com)

An Hour of Darkness

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 09:28:47 GMT

An Hour of Darkness

This March 28, 2009, Saturday 8:30pm, the lights in our house were turned off and me and my family found ourselves spending the night the old way (candles and everything). Of course we had the benefit of fully charged cell phones, gameboy and laptop so we wouldn�t get bored. Other than that, all electrical equipment was dead.

I lied on my lower part of the deck, playing sudoku on my phone and fanning myself with a personalized fan from Von. Now the actual events of that night were, well, uneventful, ignoring the fact that Saul got burned by the melted candle wax. Still, I thought of what might have happened to a household if they had no electricity for an hour and were cooped together in one place. I felt a script coming on as I write this. And I don�t want to lose the gist of it if ever I feel like continuing. So here�s what I got so far.

TITLE: (untitled); CHARACTERS: Grandma, Mom & Dad, older brother and younger brother; SUMMARY: A blackout spread throughout the neighborhood due to the burning out of the town�s battery. One family, mom coming home from work, dad already home drinking coffee and reading the newspaper, younger brother trying to his homework in the poorly lit room, older brother plays guitar, grandma reminiscing in the corner, will be forced to spend the hour together without the distraction of TV, computers and radios. This leads to a dialogue starting with mom complaining about the traffic to grandma�s words of wisdom. As the electricity returns, the family found themselves turning off their TV�s, computers and radios and going to bed with nothing more to say than �Good night�.

first word

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 06:21:09 GMT

My first word was �Ako�

To My Dear Readers (wow i have readers!!!):

This entry is a little different since it does not contain creative writing that I usually post. But it is an essay so i guess it can still be considered.

I think I was not a year old when i had said my first word. But before we go straight to it, here is the reason why i decided to write about the first word i had ever spoken.

Now it is a fact that most of us (my siblings and I) had said �dada� as our first word. Or so i thought, until our parents enlightened us. As it turned out, only saul and josh had said �dada�. Sophie had said �mama�. Jill had said �Ate� and I had said �ako� (me). These revelations caused alot of teasing, comparison, debate and just plain good family bonding.

As fun as that sounds, what i really intended to write about is how our first words seem to foretell who will be (well, atleast in the family) in the future. Why? Some of you may ask. Well, here goes.

First off, my brothers saul and josh had said �dada�. And they certainly seem like dad, in many ways. Saul, looks a lot like dad, handsome, chick-magnet, adorable, sweet, funny, meticulou, smart and athletic. But he�s also hot headed and is pretty tough. Joshua, also handsome, smart and athletic, is also pretty sensitive. But like daddy, he�s suplado and masungit and doesnt take to strangers to often. He doesnt like anyone touching his things and such. So much for the boys.

Soph, on the other hand, said �mama�. No surprise there since she�s closest to mommy, physically. She was the only one who was breast-fed for two years completely. Like mommy, she�s also a fashionistah. Beautiful, talented, smart and a social being (for it must be confessed me and jill don�t prefer company as much as her). However, she sometimes have �proud� issues, which i�m trying to fix.

Onwards to the not your ordinary first words. I mean seriously, mama and dada is the language quo so how did jill end up saying ate? Well, for starters, I was an only child for almost two years. then jill was born, smaller and weaker than i am. And there were only us for about 3 years. Dad had medschool, mom had allianz francais, and so jill and i wud be left mostly on our own. Not that we complained. I guess, it cause jill to be closer to me than our parents. She never spoke much and when she did she could speak in sentences already. But her first word is and always will be �ate�. I would mostly joke around with her, saying that ever since then i knew she had pledged allegiance to me and only me. For it must be said that jill is my assister (assist and sister). She would be there to make me my daily dose of coffee and/or milo. By far, she is more beautiful, more intelligent and taller�did i mention TALLER? hehe. But she has social-phobia, unless im around. Can�t imagine life without her, really.

Now yours truly, had said �Ako� or me. Surprising as that sounds it kinda makes sense, after all. I am the eldest and kind of the mediator (parents to children, sibling to sibling). I am also the moral support. Then again, i am more or less the black sheep of the family. Haha�

So there, our first words more or less defined who we are. I mean, i did have a theory that ever since we�re born we had already chosen a great deal about our lives, but this has been the first i�ve ever speculated about any of it. Well, who cares�i don�t! haha..cause it�s my world and you people just live in it (in my darkened world anyway).

Goodbye

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 11:05:44 GMT

Goodbye

I enter the darkness, blind and obedient

Hoping you'd be the one to guide me through

I descended the abyss, uncertain but decided

Wishing this love was true

But alas, as fate would have it

Deep down I must've known

Trust is but a simple factor

But it can stand alone

And that placed next to me, it seems

More powerful and strong

For though what I say, I feel is right

When it hurts, it's wrong

And yes truth and trust are different

And if one would only see

It doesn't matter what I do or speak

Though true, if you don't trust me

And now I'm back in the labyrinth

Back into my own little world

Darkness and night surround me again

Until�until�silence be heard

losing my ground

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 14:15:29 GMT

LOSING MY GROUND

losing my ground once more

faith, wavering in the depths of the see

I see him very clearly, does he see me?

standing in the shadows I feel the pain

as I see the moments past, the visions of then again

and in the twilight of my life

I seek shelter from the cold

and yet I found myself once more losing my ground

these hands I see in front of me

I knew they were once mine

and in the wind I feel his love,all caress divine

and so with shattered thoughts

I awaken from my sleep

only to discover that all was not a dream

and I shake, I cry for help, I sleep less and less

oh when will it stop, oh when will it end

this hell or maybe heaven (for it must be confessed

together with the uncertainty

I found complete and total rest)

it would simply not fade away

is it because I found another

or is it because of that fateful day?

I stare at nothing and I cover my blood stained hands

for I can never decide who lives this life

is it her, or me ,or them or he?

and I found myself losing my ground

and it begins but ends

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 10:10:08 GMT

something different - yet exactly the same

And It Begins But Ends
by: Me (duh)

But the day did end
And the sun did set
And the dusk did come
And the grass were wet
And the clock did struck
And the table was cleaned
And the lamps were on
And the dreamers dreamed
And she did weep
And he did leave
And minstrels played
And the mourners grieved
And the nightingale did sing
And the crickets were heard
And the owl did hoot
Likewise, the other bird
And hearts were hurt
And tears were shed
For in the beginning
Everything was dead
And the soul was there
And it was the friend
And it could only last a day
But the day did end