You

(a verse too short)

you may not be perfect

I will never mind

as long as you love me

now and for all time

I don't care where you came from

who or what you are

just as long as you're you

who loves me the best by far

we may have our fights

but I'll love you you just the same

everything won't matter

if you'll just call my name

Don't Look Behind You

Afraid to look behind you

frightened you'll see someone or something

you're probably right

but you don't want to end up screaming

so you lie on your bed

you hear the door creak

the sound of the fan echoes

you hear your heartbeat

an occassional stir rans a chill down your spine

a sound from the next room

relax, you're fine

the faucet is on

you hear water drip

the tinkering of the flatware

a cloth being ripped

no, you don't turn back or look behind

you don't want to know

you don't want to be afraid than you are now

not really, never, oh no

I, a mistake

Why am I still here?

A question only I can answer

Or maybe I can’t

I speak directly,

It’s a mistake

For what I say is unaccepted

And therefore wrong

I speak in riddles,

It’s a mistake

For no one likes the message

Though they may understand

I yell, a mistake

For hush, I am too loud

I talk, a mistake

For they cannot hear

I know for I have tried

Oh have I tried

Now I do not speak at all,

A mistake but I no longer live at all

Why am I still alive?

I can hear no one

For when I stopped speaking

Listening won’t matter

Vice versa

Will You?

Will you still love me

If you knew all my faults

All my inconsistencies

All my incapabilities

All I believe in?

Will you still hear me

Even if I do not speak

If I refuse to speak

When I have nothing more to say?

Will you still see me

When I’m invisible

When I’m hiding

When I’m not there

When I no longer exist?

Will you still choose me

Someone who wouldn’t

Even choose herself?

Yes?

For how long then

If to me,

time does not exist?

(for my others blog which may or may not hold the same content, check out http://sengkakusaya.multiply.com)

An Hour of Darkness

            This March 28, 2009, Saturday 8:30pm, the lights in our house were turned off and me and my family found ourselves spending the night the old way (candles and everything). Of course we had the benefit of fully charged cell phones, gameboy and laptop so we wouldn’t get bored. Other than that, all electrical equipment was dead.

            I lied on my lower part of the deck, playing sudoku on my phone and fanning myself with a personalized fan from Von. Now the actual events of that night were, well, uneventful, ignoring the fact that Saul got burned by the melted candle wax. Still, I thought of what might have happened to a household if they had no electricity for an hour and were cooped together in one place. I felt a script coming on as I write this. And I don’t want to lose the gist of it if ever I feel like continuing. So here’s what I got so far.

            TITLE: (untitled); CHARACTERS: Grandma, Mom & Dad, older brother and younger brother; SUMMARY: A blackout spread throughout the neighborhood due to the burning out of the town’s battery. One family, mom coming home from work, dad already home drinking coffee and reading the newspaper, younger brother trying to his homework in the poorly lit room, older brother plays guitar, grandma reminiscing in the corner, will be forced to spend the hour together without the distraction of TV, computers and radios. This leads to a dialogue starting with mom complaining about the traffic to grandma’s words of wisdom. As the electricity returns, the family found themselves turning off their TV’s, computers and radios and going to bed with nothing more to say than “Good night”.

My first word was “Ako”

Goodbye

I enter the darkness, blind and obedient

Hoping you'd be the one to guide me through

I descended the abyss, uncertain but decided

Wishing this love was true

But alas, as fate would have it

Deep down I must've known

Trust is but a simple factor

But it can stand alone

And that placed next to me, it seems

More powerful and strong

For though what I say, I feel is right

When it hurts, it's wrong

And yes truth and trust are different

And if one would only see

It doesn't matter what I do or speak

Though true, if you don't trust me

And now I'm back in the labyrinth

Back into my own little world

Darkness and night surround me again

Until…until…silence be heard

LOSING MY GROUND

losing my ground once more

faith, wavering in the depths of the see

I see him very clearly, does he see me?

standing in the shadows I feel the pain

as I see the moments past, the visions of then again

and in the twilight of my life

I seek shelter from the cold

and yet I found myself once more losing my ground

these hands I see in front of me

I knew they were once mine

and in the wind I feel his love,all caress divine

and so with shattered thoughts

I awaken from my sleep

only to discover that all was not a dream

and I shake, I cry for help, I sleep less and less

oh when will it stop, oh when will it end

this hell or maybe heaven (for it must be confessed

together with the uncertainty

I found complete and total rest)

it would simply not fade away

is it because I found another

or is it because of that fateful day?

I stare at nothing and I cover my blood stained hands

for I can never decide who lives this life

is it her, or me ,or them or he?

and I found myself losing my ground

something different - yet exactly the same

And It Begins But Ends
by: Me (duh)

But the day did end
And the sun did set
And the dusk did come
And the grass were wet
And the clock did struck
And the table was cleaned
And the lamps were on
And the dreamers dreamed
And she did weep
And he did leave
And minstrels played
And the mourners grieved
And the nightingale did sing
And the crickets were heard
And the owl did hoot
Likewise, the other bird
And hearts were hurt
And tears were shed
For in the beginning
Everything was dead
And the soul was there
And it was the friend
And it could only last a day
But the day did end

Ramblings of the Mildly Depressed
another entry of same proportions

As if depression no longer wants to leave my side
it hovers like a shadow in the afternoon
never ceasing like the song of the dead
never ending like the cries of the living
it flies past the valleys and over the clouds
and yet never goes away for more than a breath's length

as if it was the only friend
always there whether i want it or not
it makes you cry for no reason
it makes you think of nothing else
and yet it lulls you to sleep so gentle
and tucks you in when no one else would

are not these ramblings of the mildly depressed?
do i not long for sadness' caress?
have i not tried to spill my blood?
did not my tears create a flood?
is not this, my way of telling?
why on earth am i still crying?
what are these sighs? i forget
has my heart no regret?
when was the last time i smiled?
where are you my lost child?
and in the end none of this will matter
for i am enveloped in cold dark water

as i surrender, as my world once again turns black
will you then forgive me? will you finally come back?